Disclaimer (If you are a woman PLEASE read this first!):
Many women seem to misunderstand this text and get angry. However this text is in no way intended to be derogatory of women. In fact, this text could instead be seen as slightly derogatory of men since it describes the frustration and confusion many men experience when it comes to women. Part of this male frustration is due to that men think women are the most wonderful and precious things in the entire world but at the same time men find women complicated to understand and hard to get close to. So come on girls, turn on your sense of humour and laugh with us, instead of getting angry against us.

I found this text on a Fidonet BBS long ago. I haven't changed a thing, even the title is the same. It just happened to be the right first name since Dave Crist created this text. Thanks Dave!

David's truths about women

In this world, there are two sets of women: women that you would love to be with, and women that would love to be with you. THERE IS NO UNION OF THESE TWO SETS.

Any woman that you become extremely attracted to will tell you that you are the best friend that a woman could ever have.

Being told that you are nice is:

the equivalent to her saying, "I wish that you were my brother."
a curse.
her way of saying that "I hope we can just be friends."

A Slut is a woman that will sleep with anyone. A Bitch is a woman that will sleep with anyone but you. All women are Bitches.

Only beautiful women who are engaged or engaged to be engaged or married or your mother's best friend will think that you are a wonderful person that any woman would die for.

These same women will be completely dumbfounded at the revelation that you don't go out with a hundred women a week. Much less one.

When a woman says "No!" she really means "Yes!" -- except, of course, when she means "NO!"

Unless you make over a million dollars a year, you must completely ignore and demean a woman to gain her affection. If you completely disregard her existence, she'll die for you.

The degree of subtlety used by a woman is inversely proportional to how attracted you are to her. If you are absolutely in love with everything about her, her hints will amount to, "I really like your roommate's new shoes." If you have no attraction to her what-so-ever, she will ask you to come spend a week with her in the Bahamas.

A woman will confide in you that she slept with your best friend and that he treated her like dirt afterwards. She will go on-and-on for hours, until she builds up enough nerve to ask him out again.

Every woman that you meet that you are instantly attracted to will be:

Married,
heavily dating the same guy for the 3rd year,
a lesbian,
or your brother's ex-girlfriend.

A "Taken" woman will tell you that you are a great-looking guy, but that looks don't matter anyway and that she'd go out with you if she wasn't already dating someone.

"Taken" women are the only women capable of understanding your wonderful sense of humor, your amazing musical talent, your tremendous sensitivity, and gracious generosity.

A Woman will talk to you about a certain guy that she think is a real jerk, wondering what any Woman would see in him, and then ask you to set them up.

Women will absolutely drive you crazy and seemingly make no sense.

Women will confuse you and make you distraught.

Women are the most wonderful things in the entire world. They are the most precious element that the world could ever know. Everything from the way they look to the way they talk to the way they move, walk, sigh, gesture, dance, smile, laugh, cuddle, squeeze, tease, hug, caress, smell, taste -- is fantastic.

2008-02-08